One person called it “gearing up.” Another coined, “exit mode.”
Personally, it feels like I’m spending a bit more money as I stock up on things I'll need. Hoarding. Collecting. Looking at the calendar. Skyping more. And thinking. a lot. about the future.
Finding cotton dresses and skirts on clearance, and taking stock of others I've been given. Plotting ways I can put linings in that aren't going to make me sweat. And realizing I need a personal tailor. (One, preferably, that speaks English…)
Gathering some small Christmas decorations I'm considering taking back with me, and looking for little things that will make me think of Christmas. Winter. Home. When the weather is anything but.
Making wish lists and considering that any currently-dying electronics should probably be replaced before heading back overseas... :(
Requesting pictures from people so I can bring them back with me.
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| Seriously! Send me an updated family picture via email. And yes, I'm talking to YOU. :) |
Looking at my schedule and making sure I can fit in really good times with everyone I care about before the next two months fly by. (Which, of course, is all of you!)
And then wondering how I’m even going to get back in two months, since I’m not at full monthly support yet.
Praying. A lot!
Returning books to everyone I’ve borrowed from.
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| (These are just the ones I haven't given back yet... so thankful for gracious friends!) |
Asking about meds – what, exactly, is available in Tanzania? Since my doctors switched my inhalers here, I’m back to square one on this one…
Thinking about all the things I was going to do on furlough. Get my computer screen replaced. Make a printed “book” of my blog so if the internet ever decides to forget it hosted me, I have a copy. See the Art Institute of Chicago. Visit PBU (and the people I know there) so I've actually seen where it is I'm getting a master's degree from. Skydive. (Hmm... maybe that one’s more on my bucket list than the to-dos on furlough. Although I would NEVER attempt something like this in the Land of Tanz - even if it WAS an option...)
Thinking about places and people and foods and things I want to visit, see, eat, and enjoy at least one more time before I’m out of the country again for awhile.
And then realizing that if I want to leave the country, I may need to get some updated vaccines. Which I should probably do soon. Hmm.
Starting to grieve and say "goodbye" in my heart to the people I've only just started getting to know at church... in my neighborhood... in my community... in my life...
Yet, feeling like I shouldn’t be doing any of this till I’ve already been “cleared” to go.
And it’s funny. I never saw this coming. It’s like my body is starting to get the hang of this changing cultures, climates, and continents thing and is gearing up for the next phase of transition.
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| Remember this guy? Yep, he's back! |
Some things I know. I've been in Tanzania two years, and I am oh so thankful for this experience. But there are a hoard of other things that I just... don't. About the specific place where I'll be living. What's available in Musoma. How easy it is to do such-and-such, or what language school will really be like, or any number of hundred other questions meandering through, loitering in, and camping out in my brain these days.
And, quite honestly, I’m glad. And sad. Oh, so sad. Sad that I didn’t get to spend extended periods of time with certain people, while I’m thankful for the times I’ve had. And excited. For the future. Teaching MKs in Musoma. The position I get to fill. Excited for this completely random year of firsts on "furlough" to be completed, and move on to the next phase. And I’m terrified. And unsure. Of learning a language. Figuring out how to get stuff from Kalamazoo and Dar to Musoma, or what even to bring and what to just leave behind. Wondering if I’ll have funds for a car. And feeling a million other things that are emotions or thoughts I don’t quite know what to do with.
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