Fear of the Future

(borrowed from new friends in the States - Caleb and Adrienne Weir - who are getting ready to head to PNG. Check out their blog here.)


"Caleb here:

As we are over all but one major hurdle (overseas Visa) in preparation to go, the reality of the next three years is setting in.

The fact of the matter is, most of our future plans are not really that "exotic" for me. We are going to a place I've been before. We will be living in a town with all the trappings of home. We will probably get a car if one becomes available. The language will even be familiar to me. So even though we will be far from family and friends, I am not stepping totally out of my comfort zone.

And that's the rub, as they say. My comfort. I have realized that the only thing I fear about our future plans is the upcoming Pacific Orientation Course (POC). And what I fear most about POC, is the weeks we have to spend in the "village-living" phase. My comfort level is sure to suffer greatly, and therefore I will suffer greatly.

I work hard so I can be "comfortable". I am beginning to realize how much I value it. I have often used this turn of phrase: "I am a professional relaxer!" I always meant that I am good at relaxing and stepping away from the cares of the world. But looking at that saying now, I might be saying that I am constantly seeking my own comfort.

While I am certain I am not alone in this sentiment (certainly Adrienne must be experiencing these same apprehensions about our future plans), these feelings are usually followed by the twinge of doubt. Not doubt that what we are doing right or true, but rather doubt that I am prepared, or doubt that I can handle it, or doubt that my motives are pure, or doubt that I really want to give up my comfort at all...

Doubt has a funny way of sticking when all other lies fall away. When God's word cuts into the disbelief, takes away the jealousy, or snuffs out the hate, the subtlety of doubt can remain. There is a reason we often use the word "nagging" to describe doubt. It doesn't penetrate our soul as deeply as hate or jealousy or disbelief. It just taps you lightly, and can be a minor annoyance. But like the water torture bit (who knows if the Chinese actually used it or not), the constant repetition of doubt can become devastating if not met with the truth. Sooner or later, that light tapping becomes a 3 pound mallet, shaking your very bones.

I'm not at that place!

So what are the lies behind the doubt?

1. I am not strong enough to do this. This is a half-lie. God is strong enough, so I don't have to be. Or said another way: "I have been crucified in Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me..." Gal. 2:10
2. I have a right to comfort. "The chief aim of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." The Westminster Catechism. Not cold drinks, soft beds, and indoor plumbing.
3. My motives are not pure (insinuating God cannot use me). Got does not work with perfect humans. He glories himself by using the weak things, the broken things, and the foolish things (1 Cor. 1:20-25). He can work through me in spite of myself. All God asks for is humility and willingness (Isaiah 66:2)."


I love this. While I'm definitely NOT a professional relaxer (wish I could be, sometimes!), the nagging worry and doubt is something I could totally relate to. Just wanted to share! Thanks, Weirs, and God bless as you continue on the journey God has set before you! - Crystal